MARRIAGE COACHING FOR MEN

Feel your wife’s smile.
See your kids light up again.

She reaches for your hand on the couch, just because.

Your kids come looking for you because they want your take.

This can be you.

It’s not your fault. It’s not too late.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Evan Hendrix, marriage coach for men in Leiden, smiling in a flat cap and herringbone jacket

Based in Leiden, Netherlands.
Coaching men online across the Netherlands.
All sessions in English.


Then you come home.

Your wife is worried about one of the kids and asks what you think.

You used to tell her in detail: clear steps, a full plan.

It never worked.

So now you give the short answer.

She says you never care, that you're not even trying.

You go silent and wait it out. No answer means no fight.

You know exactly what to say at work.

You didn't choose this. You learned it.

Nobody showed you another way.

But you can still learn to say what you think in way she can hear.

You don't just want less fighting. You want to laugh together.

To want each other again.

After years of going quiet, and watching the distance grow between you, there's a way back to her, and the kids.

At home, you brace.

I almost lost her

Black and white portrait Evan Hendrix a marriage coach in Leiden, Netherlands. He appears as a man with a bald head and gray beard, wearing a checkered shirt and jacket, looking to the side.
Black and white portrait Evan Hendrix a marriage coach in Leiden, Netherlands. He appears as a man with a bald head and gray beard, wearing a checkered shirt and jacket, looking to the side.

For most of my marriage I loved my wife and had no idea that love takes more than intention.

I was competent, reliable, present in all the ways I understood presence to mean. She didn't need more effort from me. She needed me in the room, all of me, and I had spent so long living from the neck up that I didn't know how to get there.

The gap widened slowly. Conversations that never landed. Moments where she needed something real and I gave her something managed instead. By the time I understood what was happening, she was quietly deciding whether to stay.

What changed it was a man across a table who asked me an honest question and stayed there long enough to get a real answer.

The men I work with are not broken.

They tried the things that are supposed to work.

They came here because they didn't.

This is the work we do together

Stop the behavior before you say or do something you regret later.

Catch it before it runs you

Name it so you can change it

Understand the impulse: where it comes from and how to choose differently.

Tell her what’s true, so she moves toward you instead of leaving the room.

Say it and she comes closer

"I kept thinking it'd just fix itself eventually, but it didn't.

Last night I felt that tight feeling start in my chest before I'd even said anything to my wife. Normally I just shut down, but this time I told her and she actually stopped instead of it blowing up into another fight. That hadn’t happened before."

Scott, married 14 years

This is how you get back to her, and your kids, in 12 weeks

First, we work on you

You bring whatever is most pressing that week. Money, the kids, the argument from Wednesday.

It doesn't matter which, because they all run on the same thing.

Every week we work on what makes you go quiet, and what you'd say if you didn't.

6 weeks in, you're joking with the kids at dinner instead of disappearing into another room.

Then we turn toward her

You take what you've learned about yourself and start using it with her.

You ask, and for the first time you hear what it's actually been like to live with your silence.

You practice staying in the conversation when every part of you wants to leave it, which is most of the work.

Week by week you both stop bracing. By week 9, you can talk about the hard thing and still end up in the same room.

We are always connected

We work together for 90 minutes once a week.

Between sessions we stay in contact through a shared Google Doc.

When something happens, at midnight or on a Sunday, you write it there instead of carrying it alone. I answer within 24 hours.

Most of what changes at home happens between our calls.

And I'm with you all the way.

What changed for husbands who made the call

“What surprised me was how much of the distance between us wasn't about the big fights. It was all the small stuff we stopped doing. Once we started talking about that things became easier. We’re not just sleeping in the same bed like roommates anymore. First time in a while I actually believed something could change between us."

— Mike, married 11 years

"I came in thinking the problem was just how we communicated. Turns out I didn't even really know what was going on in me most of the time. It's been harder than I thought, but around six weeks in my wife said something that felt more real than usual, said it felt like I was actually there instead of stuck in my head. So it's helping, but it’s not an overnight fix."

— David, 8 year partnership

"Didn't think this kind of thing was really for me. I'm not a guy who likes to talk about feelings. But Evan's not trying to turn you into someone else. He just helps you see why the same stuff keeps happening and how to actually show up the way you want to. My marriage is in a way better spot than it was six months ago."

— Ryan, married 17 years

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